Tag Archives: Relationships

Staying calm and moving on

Staying calm and moving on
Staying calm and moving on

Oh boy it’s been awhile. I am so sorry. I can’t believe I let things get so out of hand. Not checking in on Facebook or Twitter and above all not updating this at all.

It’s been a rough couple of months for me. If you know me, you know why. For those of you who don’t, allow me to explain. I don’t typically stray from fashion and or travel on here, but allow me to divulge for a moment.

Many of you know I’ve only had a few serious relationships in my time. My last ex of 4 years cheated on me and then I met my most recent ex. Yes, I said ex. We were together for just over a year when we decided to break up at the end of February. The breakup was his doing not mine but it still was “for the best”. However we were living together.  This hit me hard on a few levels. For starters this was my first apartment and the first person I ever truly lived with. It was ridiculously hard to pack up my life.

After the breakup shock wore off we decided to stay friends during the remainder of my stay in the apartment. During the month of March, I spent my time packing up my life and slowly moving it back home. Another thing that wasn’t sitting right with me, having to move home. It comes at a great point in my life however, I am starting school again, and of course paying out-of-pocket, so moving home was actually a better way for me to save money and start paying for school. So my breakup was actually a blessing in disguise? That’s what I’ve been telling myself to get through this horrific time.

So needless to say, the only thing I could do during the month of March was watch re-runs of Grey’s because it was comforting. I wanted to write here so badly but I just couldn’t focus on anything. So here I am, mostly settled back into my old bedroom and I’m ready to kick things up a notch around here. I hope you will forgive my absence, I’ve missed you all!

Thanks for reading! XOXO *Lindsay*

If you’re a bird…I’m a bird…

If you’re a bird…I’m a bird…
If you’re a bird…I’m a bird…

Tonight’s post is slightly more personal than I tend to get on here. Note that I’m using “I” instead of “We”, yes that’s right this post is entirely about the woman behind Fashionista’s Travel. Why am I getting personal you ask? Well it all stems from what tomorrow is, that being my 1 year anniversary to my boyfriend. The date of when we actually met seems to be lost on both of us so we picked a date that seemed appropriate, October 31, Halloween, it is.

Let me back up for just a moment. Prior to being in a relationship with my current boyfriend I was in a long term relationship as some of you know. That relationship I thought was it for me. Little did I know what was really going on and he turned out to be a major asshole. With that being said, I was on the verge of turning 30 and really feeling like the race to find a new mate was on. I went through a series of horrific dates, I even blogged about those for awhile, and when I wasn’t looking I found my boyfriend.

Every great love starts with a great story…

It’s been quite the year together, I’ll say that for sure. About 6 months ago we moved in together. A little fast some might say but its one of those situations that just sorta happened and I’m really glad it did. I would be lying if I said our relationship is perfect because it is the farthest thing from that. Most days I feel our relationship was better before we moved in together, mostly because before you move in together everything seems rosy and those annoying habits don’t seem too bad. Living together was probably the best thing we could do to really test our relationship. We bicker non stop it seems like most days but at the end of the day I’ve never felt more real and honest with someone. I walked on eggshells with my last relationship and I swore I would never do that again. Fighting with someone doesn’t just make you speak your mind but it also helps to build a stronger relationship. Couples who don’t fight? I’m sorry but there is something very wrong there that you are both denying.

We fell in love, despite our differences, and once we did, something rare and beautiful was created. For me, love like that has only happened once, and that’s why every minute we spent together has been seared in my memory. I’ll never forget a single moment of it.

So that brings me to my boyfriend and why I decided to indulge you all in this post. He’s the most irritating, annoying, child-like person I have ever encountered. Why am I with him you ask? Because he is NOTHING like me. I’m a firm believer that we seek out qualities in the opposite sex that we don’t possess ourselves. Don’t get me wrong, my boyfriend is lovable (when he thinks I’m sleeping), thoughtful (but will deny it) tender and warm hearted (when he’s been drinking), most of all he makes me want to strive to be the best version of myself I can be. There is nothing perfect here, I repeat there is nothing perfect here but he is perfect for me.

They didn’t agree on much. In fact, they didn’t agree on anything. They fought all the time and challenged each other every day. But despite their differences, they had one important thing in common. They were crazy about each other.

He doesn’t care much about anniversaries or birthdays, or even holidays for that matter, but he does know how much they mean to me. Just yesterday he was trying to get away with buying my Christmas presents now! So how are we celebrating you ask? Thats simple, a nice dinner out. No presents except a card (I hope) and perhaps a movie at home after. I’m a pretty simple person when it comes to celebrating, I used to feel like go big or go home but I’ve realized over the years its who you are celebrating with that matters the most.

He’s probably going to kill me once he sees this post go live and I’m fully prepared for that (he’s a very private person).  However I am an over-sharer and I have been wanting a way to express how happy and how much I’ve grown in the past year (thank goodness I have a blog)! So in closing, thank you to my wonderful boyfriend for giving me a great year full of laughs, fights, and tons of memories to build on.

You are my best friend as well as my lover, and I do not know which side of you I enjoy the most. I treasure each side, just as I have treasured our life together.

 

Thanks for reading! XOXO *Lindsay*

How Going To Therapy Helped Me Cope With A Partner That Travels Full Time

How Going To Therapy Helped Me Cope With A Partner That Travels Full Time

It’s been a long time coming, writing this post at least.  I know that writing this will probably take you deep into the inner workings of myself, but after careful consideration I feel that this could potentially help others.

Thats why the most of us our here; to give travel advice,  tips, how to’s; well how helpful to you am I being if I don’t tell the truth and induldge a bit about myself.  To some of you I am simply the Fashionista who travels on occasion. I offer out style tips, travel advice, and anything if it comes in “pink”.  But if we are being honest here and I think we are, well thats not all there is to me.

Some of you know that I am in a long term relationship with a fellow travel blogger, we have been together for a little over 3 years. He travels full time, at least twice a month, usually.

When I first met him on that faithful day in July 2008 I wasn’t looking for “love” it just sorta happend and it happened fast. Quickly we both realized that this was “it” there was no more looking and we had finally found the “one”.  Well after realizing that travel and writing about travel was his biggest passion, I jumped on board the support train. I loved that he had so much passion, it drove me to have more ambition and try more things.

However I quickly realized that all this traveling he was going to be doing in the near  future or doing at the moment irked me a bit.  Its not that I was jealous or upset but it was something else, something I couldn’t put my finger on. I mean I have always had a touch of anxiety, I was the perfectionist in school, never getting less then a B, I’m always on time and I LOVE to plan. But I figured those were GOOD things, boy was I on cloud nine.

So let me bring you back a bit, back to the first few times he traveled while we were together.  Depressed isn’t even the word I could use to describe how I felt. I would spend hours looking at articles on “how to deal with long distance relationships.” I felt so bad that I even found myself reaching out to fellow girls on twitter asking how they deal when a loved one is far away,  I ended up getting a great support group of two girls who I miss dearly.  

This helped for awhile, having other girls to talk to who were in similar situations was great, but it was simply a bandaid, it covered up how I was feeling and helped me justify how I was feeling. It wasn’t enough though.  It helped for a few months but as soon as another trip was coming up I would soon feel anxious and worried about him traveling, and we would often end up “talking” OK, practically fighting about my axixety a little too often.  So here’s what I did, I realized my “faults” and realized that this anxiety was now taking over my relationship, so I did the best thing I knew, I called a therapist.

I met with her about two weeks before Christmas in 2010. Immediatly she dove into my past and pulled out all the things that I had kept hidden, things that had nothing to do with my current relationship.  We examied my family, past relationships, and why I felt the things I felt.  We discovered I have abandonment issues.  A father that passed away at an early age and a mother who keeps me at arms length, no wonder I was broken.

**Let me also mention that I tell my significant other about each and every session, it makes us stronger and he likes knowing how I’m feeling, I highly recommend that

Then came the hard part, trying to fix me. Yes I was broken and in desperate need of fixing.  It took going to therapy once a week for almost a year to finally get me “squared away”.  I am by no means “cured” but I am now getting over my anxiety when my significant other travels. I am OK with being alone,  I have found new and exciting hobbies (like running two websites) oh yea and I’m addicted to Pilates and Yoga.

After a recent visit to my therapist I discovered that I’m  actually doing really well.  I’m ok when he travels, I’m ok being a alone and it has literally done wonders for our relationship.  Sometimes talking to friends who are in similar situations isn’t enough, for me I needed that outside person who wasn’t close to the situation.  I can safely tell you now that I only need to see my therapist about once every 3-4 weeks and sometimes when I go I don’t even have much to say, its a GREAT feeling.

So I’m not telling everyone with relationship strain to get yourself into therapy but I can tell you how much of a difference it made to me. Us travel bloggers are in a unique field, we don’t have the typical 9-5 jobs (OK maybe I do since full time I am a Teacher) but lets face it at least one of us in these relationships is traveling close to full time and its hard to deal.

What I have learned from all of this is that its OK to feel this way, its OK to miss the other person or to feel lonely and sad sometimes. Its what we do with it that will effect us in the long run.  Going to therapy saved my relationship and I wouldn’t have it any other way.